was going to visit his friend Diderot who was in prison. He had in his pocket a journal in which a question had been set for discussion. Taking it out, he glanced at the question with a view to writing an essay on it. Suddenly he felt innumerable ideas pouring down into his head in a golden shower. Unable to bear the weight of this descent he lay down under a tree and was lost in a swoon. When he came to he noticed that tears had coursed down his cheeks uninterruptedly so that the front of his vest was soaked through. But the article he wrote after this incident, though it reverberated throughout the land and won him renown and rewards, did not contain even one hundredth part of those inspired golden ideas that he had received.

"Yes, it could not because the being, which is a receptacle, was too small. But the experience was very real. This is how knowledge flows down. Through the power of Yoga the lid that covers the being is removed and the whole ocean of knowledge comes pouring down. Beside it, mere book- learning resembles a tiny pool on the beach. Have you not read what the Mother has written in her Prayers and Meditations where she says, 'There is a Power' - I don't remember the text exactly."

"Yes, we have read it."

Sri Aurobindo cast a glance at Champaklal who picked the book from the shelf and put it into Sri Aurobindo's hands. Sri Aurobindo began to turn the pages and finding the prayer read it out:

"'December 28, 1928

There is a Power that no ruler can command; there is a Happiness that no earthly success can bring; there is a Light that no wisdom can possess; there is a Knowledge that no philosophy and no science can master; there is a Bliss of which no satisfaction of desire can give the enjoyment; there is a thirst for Love that no human relation can appease; there is a Peace that one finds nowhere, not even in death.

It is the Power, the Happiness, the Light, the Knowledge,

Page - 61

the Bliss, the Love, the Peace that flow from the Divine Grace.'

"The Knowledge that Buddha, Shankara, Chaitanya or Vivekananda mastered was of this kind. Ramakrishna had no learning of any sort but the Divine Mother gave him Knowledge."

"Which Divine Mother?"

"Are there two Divine Mothers?"

Outside a fine rain was falling from an overcast sky, making the brightly lit room seem really cosy. As everyone sat, snug and comfortable, Sri Aurobindo announced, "Today's session will be short."

Immediately the lights seemed to dim. A small voice piped up, "Why?" breaking the silence of the room.

Sri Aurobindo laughed, "That is because I have come to the last chapter of my London story. Also, I have some work to finish today."

"Why is it the last chapter?" inquired a newcomer.

"I'll tell you. There we were, two of us facing our final examinations after which we would go our own separate ways, each to follow the lines that fate had drawn for him. I would go to Cambridge, Manomohan to Oxford, and our eldest brother Benoy would probably settle for a solitary existence in London itself. Anyway the examinations were fast approaching. Actually I had three of them to prepare for: the School final exam, the I.C.S. test and one for winning a scholarship to enter Cambridge. Only by this scholarship could I be of some help to my brothers."

"The I.C.S. was a very difficult competitive examination, wasn't it? Only the best Indian boys could appear for it. And you were very young then, barely 16 or 17 years old?"

"That's not too young. And I didn't think the I.C.S. was all that difficult. Indian boys found it difficult because there were so many gaps in their education. You see, the British

Page - 62

government did not intend to give us a really fine and strong grounding in education; all they wanted was to produce 'a nation of clerks' as our leaders called it. Otherwise the intellectual capacities our youngsters possess are in no way inferior to those of their western counterparts."

"Why didn't you study with a tutor?" enquired Amal.

"What? When I wasn't always sure of where my next meal was coming from, you ask why I didn't have a tutor? If it hadn't been for the kindness of Mr. Cotton we wouldn't even have had a place to sleep."

"What about your father? Did he know about your circumstances?"

"His letters were few and far between, and only very rarely would he send us some money -" Sri Aurobindo added laughing, "not enough for the needs of three young men. From time to time, instead of money, he sent us newspaper cuttings and a great deal of advice!"

Everyone sat looking at Sri Aurobindo, silent, curious, puzzled.

"Those cuttings described the acts of injustice and cruelty suffered by Indians at the hands of the British. They were meant to arouse in us a sense of patriotism."

"But was he not a great admirer of the British?" asked Kriti.

"He had once been, though only for a few years, at the beginning of his career. On his return to India from England, he had expected to find the British in India to be similar to those he had met in England who were noble and just and generous. But he soon found that the Englishman here was quite different from the one in his home-country. In India the British were masters, we were their slaves. This was the usual relationship. Being in government service, my father was made to feel sharply the distinction they made between the two races. When he was the Civil Surgeon in Rangpur, he was on very good terms with the District Magistrate who never undertook anything important without first consulting my father. The people there called my

Page - 63

father 'the king of Rangpur'. He had a canal, several miles long, dug through the town to help the people. They called it the K.D. Canal. But when this Magistrate was replaced by another, the latter could not tolerate the fact that my father was so loved and admired, so he had him transferred. It was this sort of prejudiced behaviour that changed my father's attitude towards the British and awoke in him a sense of nationalism. Many other happenings, big and small, made him gradually realise that unless our country became free it could never make any real progress, and he wanted us to understand this. In fact, he played not a small part in arousing in me the patriotic feeling.

"But, you see, right then there were more pressing problems that needed to be solved. I had, first of all, to apply myself with more industry to my studies. Until then, I had tripped my way through the examinations, but the time had come to take matters more seriously. Of course, deep down within, I was confident I would be given a scholarship. Now, my elder brother Benoy too was studying for the I.C.S. examination; that may have given an added impetus to my preparation. Manomohan would enquire, from time . to time, how we were faring and would keep our father informed about our progress."

"Weren't you nervous?" (Laughter)

"He's asking you this because he himself becomes so easily nervous!" broke in Sameer. "He is a bundle of nerves, just before a test or a match. I simply can't convince him that it is not all that important whether one passes or fails, or one wins or loses. Why should one become so terribly tense?"

"Exactly. What is important is to do one's level best. And if the results are bad, one should not feel crushed, just as one should not feel excessively elated by success either. This is one of the most important lessons of life, to face alt happenings with calm and poise. So, there I was, ready to face the examinations. When they were over, I found that

Page - 64

one of my answer papers brought me a scholarship and the other a stipend.

"Thus, the road to Cambridge was paved. And time it was too for our household to break up - the three of us who had lived so long together, quarrelling, sharing all our good and bad fortunes, had now to strike out separately, each to follow his star. I was the first to leave. My brothers came to the station to see me off as I boarded the train to Cambridge. I had heard so much about both Oxford and Cambridge. It was said that the finest students from all over the world went there to pursue their studies, which, when completed, helped them to take their place among the greatest poets, writers, scientists and political leaders of their time. I wondered if I would meet other young Indians at Cambridge. There was so much to see, to learn, to know. Such were my thoughts as the train carried me to my destination. The first thing that struck me when I arrived there was the peace, the quiet. After the continuous turbulence of London, a veritable ocean of noise, the silence of the chequered shade along the banks of the river Cam was very welcome, the right setting indeed for a seat of learning. I found that my spirit was absolutely in harmony with its mood as I finally went up to the room that had been allotted to me. It was certainly not very big, but it was spick and Span. Though there was nothing luxurious about it, it seemed to me like very heaven, coming as I was from my dark London days. I do not remember everything about my life at Cambridge, for so many important events have occurred since then that those tender memories of my youth have been crushed under their weight. Anyway, for your sake I'll try to revive whatever I can. One thing I remember was that hardly had I settled in when I was invited to have coffee with one of my professors, or dons as they were called. Surprised, are you, at such an early invitation? But then you might note that the relationship one had with one's professors, particularly at Oxford and Cambridge, was nothing like the one between students and teachers in the

Page - 65

orthodox, old-fashioned Indian schools - pāthśālās. In England, at residential universities like Oxford and Cambridge, professors and students eat and drink together, and relax in one another's company, though the professors are treated with all the respect that is their due. Anyway, when I presented myself for that coffee, I found that it was to be in the company of the well-known professor of our college, Oscar Browning or the 'great O.B.' as the students called him. He began the evening by praising me very highly, saying, 'I suppose you know you passed an extraordinarily high examination. I have examined papers at thirteen examinations and I have never during that time seen such excellent papers as yours' - meaning my Classical papers, at the scholarship examination. 'As for your essay' - a comparison between Shakespeare and Milton - 'it was wonderful.' Later I wrote all this to my father describing the way my life at Cambridge had begun."

Sri Aurobindo had almost finished speaking when the light failed and the room was plunged in darkness. When the electricity came back, a few minutes later, we saw the Mother standing in the doorway. Everyone turned to look at her, surprised and wondering. She was holding a piece of paper in her hand. She entered the room smiling. The children realised that it was time for them to leave.

"As I told you last time, my life at Cambridge began with an invitation to have coffee with one of the dons. There I met O.B., who complimented me very heartily on my work. Right away, I decided that I would pursue my studies in all earnestness."

"Did your professors ask you about your family?"

"Oh no! Englishmen don't usually ask you personal questions, unlike our countrymen. What we Indians call warmth and friendliness, they consider to be undue curiosity and lack of respect, particularly with strangers. For example,

Page - 66

here, you may find that someone travelling in the same railway compartment as you will soon become familiar with all the complexities of your family life! But in England it is quite different. A gentleman trying to chat with the lady sitting next to him will find himself very distinctly snubbed. If one must strike up a conversation, then there is a whole process to be followed. You must first drop the book or newspaper that you were reading; the other person will then pick it up for you and you will politely thank him. And only after that can a conversation begin! (Laughter) Of course, I was perfectly happy with this mode of behaviour since by nature I am rather reticent. Anyway I'm sure you have heard a great deal about Cambridge. Both Oxford and Cambridge have been, down the centuries, proud centres of education. Two whole towns have grown around them and they live solely by and for these universities. Students from far and near gather there in quest of excellence in knowledge, just as the great medieval scholar Abelard drew around him, in Paris, hundreds of seekers of wisdom. During the holidays all these streets grow empty and silent. The high-domed colleges are beautiful with their big halls and refectories. Alongside the university where I studied flows the gentle river Cam, murmuring softly."

"Is it a big river?"

"Big enough to provide excellent opportunities for boat races or, if one prefers, for spending pleasant evenings relaxing in a boat on its waters."

Rohit asked, "What are refectories?"

"They are long narrow rooms used for meals. They are peculiar to monasteries and colleges.

"All the students and their professors eat together in them; it is characteristic of the education there. The long tables are laid, with chairs on either side, and special arrangements are made nearby for the professors. Eating together is an occasion for everybody to get acquainted and exchange views about all kinds of subjects. Also, it brings the students closer to their professors. You understand,

Page - 67

I hope, how much it helps to make their education really living. Mere lecturing in classrooms can become so very soulless!"

"It seems there are several things in common between what we have here and the colleges there. We too read and play and eat together," said Vinit,

"Do you also exchange views and ideas?"

"Yes, we do."

"Indeed! I seem to hear mostly about cricket and football and basketball!"

"No, it is not quite so. We also talk about Gandhi and Nehru, Johnson and Goldsmith. We are also curious about atom bombs. We discuss so many world-events, our physics and chemistry lessons - the computer which is the latest craze. It has invaded all the fields of life."

"I remember that politics was a favourite subject, particularly among us Indian students."

"Were there many Indians at Cambridge?"

"Oh yes! It was there that I first met other Indians. Together we formed a group which we called the 'Indian Majlis'. It was primarily a political group. We discussed the British exploitation of our country and ways and means to free her from this slavery. At one time I became the secretary of this group. I think I have told you already that during my stay in London I had had the first inklings of the direction my life was to take in the future. I had foreseen great and violent upheavals in my motherland in which I would have to play a major role. I had known this even as a boy and had been preparing myself inwardly for it ever since. By the time I came to Cambridge my political philosophy had become clear, and I knew in my very marrow that I would work for India's freedom. The meetings of the Majlis gave me the occasion to express my patriotic views."

"But did not the government or even your college authorities put restrictions on you and the Majlis?"

"No, England is a free country. It is true that the British

Page - 68

insisted on keeping India a slave nation, but in England itself the government could not withhold the basic democratic rights from the people, among which were the freedom of expression as well as the freedom of association. But I am sure that the government kept watch on the movement and knew about the meetings. The college authorities concerned themselves only with our studies. We were free to do as we pleased provided we did not lag behind in our work. You see, every student in Cambridge was assigned a tutor who evaluated his performance. He followed him up closely and helped him, if necessary. Of course, I had no worries as far as my studies were concerned. I carried on my triple activities of study, politics and writing poetry, without any difficulty whatsoever. They did not come in the way of one another."

"Was it because you wanted freedom for India that you failed in the I.C.S. examination?"

"Yes, you may say so, though many believe it was because I failed in the riding test. You are taught, aren't you, in the Bengali nursery rhyme that whoever works and studies well gets to ride in cars and carriages? Well, I didn't get to ride a horse! {Laughter) Anyway, I believe that by then all the activities of the Indian Majlis were being reported to the India Office. Whenever famous or prominent Indians visited Cambridge, we would invite them to attend the Majlis meetings. They were rather old and moderate in their views;

we were young hotheads and so the arguments flew fast and sharp between us."

"But the Indian leaders of the time preferred that the youth, instead of meddling with politics, concentrate on studies and self-development. Wasn't that so?"

"Yes, and in a way, they were right. But it is also true that there come moments in the history of a nation when her sons are required to sacrifice their all for the sake of their motherland. And that is just what our boys did. Of course, at Cambridge, we were not expected to go that far. This reminds me of an amusing detail about our Majlis.

Page - 69

The majority of those young men who made the most fiery speeches returned to India either to become government officials or to accept the contented and humdrum existence of well-married householders. What an irony!" (Laughter)

"Was Chittaranjan Das a friend of yours?"

"Yes, I met him in London, after leaving Cambridge."

"Did you speak to him in Bengali?"

Sri Aurobindo answered laughing, "No. I had only learned to read Bengali. I wasn't yet accustomed to speaking it. My Bengali teacher at Cambridge was Mr. Towers whom we called 'Pandit Towers'. His knowledge of Bengali was limited to the works of Ishwar Chandra Vidyasagar and other early writers of Sanskritised prose. One day, just for the fun of it, I took a passage of Bankim to him. After reading it carefully Pandit Towers turned round and said, 'But this is not Bengali!' (Laughter)

"He spoke Bengali with a strong British accent. Actually I learned it from a scholarly Bengali gentleman, in Baroda."

"Our elders tell us that the mother-tongue is the most sound and true basis for all education."

"Yes, I believe so too and have said so quite often. But, on the other hand, in a school where there are children from various states and nations, a common language has to be used as the medium of instruction."

"Your English poems, particularly the early ones, seem thoroughly English. It is as if English were indeed your mother-tongue."

"What exactly do you mean?"

"They are rather difficult." (Laughter)

"Oh, then it means that your English is weak."

"But I find no difficulty in understanding the poetry of Shelley or Keats."

"That's because they are Romantics and so are primarily emotional poets. Some of my early writings were often compact and had a greater thought content, rather in the classical style. Perhaps that is why you find them harder

Page - 70

to follow. .But to English readers they do not seem difficult."

"Did you write a lot of poetry?"

"Yes, a great deal. I also destroyed much of what I wrote."

"What? You tore it up?"

"Well, all of it was not equally good. Poems written in youth have the lushness of green fields after the first rains. But more is required to make them good literature."

"You did not appear for the riding test in your I.C.S.?"

"No. They gave me another chance, but I again did not appear and finally they rejected me."

"But then why did you appear for the I.C.S.? Was it by some intuition that you did not take the riding test?"

"Not at all. I knew nothing about Yoga at that time. I appeared for the I.C.S. because my father wanted it and I was too young to understand. Later, I found out what sort of work it was and I had a disgust for an administrator's life and I had no interest in administrative work. My interest was in poetry and literature and study of languages and patriotic action."

"But if you did not intend to join the government service, why did you take the trouble to study so much?"

"What was I to do? My father had a long-cherished dream that one day his sons would become magistrates. To this end he sent us, in our earliest childhood, to England. At that age I had no idea of what the I.C.S. or the I,M.S. was, and like a good boy, did as I was told, which pleased him. But later, as I grew older, I began to understand what I wanted to do in life, and it certainly was not to become an I.C.S. officer, since by then I had formed a clearer idea of what it meant to join the British Service. But I knew that my father had set his heart on my joining it and I just could not hurt him by telling him harshly that I was not going to. So I had to use a more devious method."

"That is to say?"

"Well, I studied hard and passed the written examination

Page - 71

rather easily but, when it came to the riding test, I simply

failed to appear!"

"Is that so? But there are people who insist that you failed because you did not know how to ride a horse."

"That is true. But in order to join the I.C.S. one does not need to be a professional rider; one may simply spend a few shillings in order to learn how to sit on a horse."

"If your father had discovered the trick you had played on him, he would surely have been very displeased."

"Perhaps he would. However, both my English and Indian friends were very upset by my failure to join the I.C.S. When one of my tutors, Mr. Prothero, heard of the reason why I had been failed, he was very annoyed. Along with Mr. James Cotton, the gentleman who had given us shelter in London, he began a regular battle with the authorities. Mr. Prothero wrote them a long letter, which some of you must have read."

I stood up and offered to get the book containing the letter, from my room just outside. I brought it and said to Sri Aurobindo, "This one letter will be enough to describe your student days to the children, Sir." I began to read it aloud:

'I am sorry to hear what you tell. me about Ghose, that he has been rejected in his final I.C.S. Examination for failure in riding. His conduct throughout his two years here was most exemplary. He held a foundation scholarship, which he obtained by open competition, in classics. He also obtained certain college prizes, showing command of English and literary ability. That a man should have been able to do this and at the same time to keep up his I.C.S. work, proves very unusual industry and capacity. Besides his classical scholar- ship, he possessed a knowledge of English literature far beyond the average of undergraduates, and wrote a much better English style than most Englishmen. That a man of this calibre should be lost to the Indian government merely because he failed in sitting on a horse or did not keep an appointment appears to me a piece of official short-sightedness which it would be hard to beat.

Page - 72

'Moreover the man has not only ability but character. He has had a very hard and anxious time of it for the last two years. Supplies from home have almost entirely failed, and he has had to keep his two brothers as well as himself, and yet his courage and perseverance have never failed. I have several times written to his father on his behalf, but for the most part unsuccessfully. It is only lately that I managed to extract from him enough to pay some tradesmen who would otherwise have put his son into the Country Court. I am quite sure that these pecuniary difficulties were not due to any extravagance on Ghose's part: his whole way of life, which was simple and penurious in the extreme, is against this. They were due entirely to circumstances beyond his control. But they must have hampered him in many ways, and probably prevented him from spending enough on horses to enable him to learn to ride. I can fully believe that his inability to keep his appointment at Woolwich was due to the want of cash.

'In conclusion, I hope sincerely that your efforts to reinstate him as a Selected Candidate will prove successful, for I think, if he is finally turned out, it will be, however legally justifiable, a moral injustice to him, and a very real loss to the Indian government.'

After I had finished reading the letter, Sri Aurobindo said:

"Such were the arguments advanced by Mr. Prothero. But the most amusing thing was that the very person for whom he was pleading so eloquently had already queered his own pitch completely! Several chances were given to me to take the riding test. I was repeatedly asked to be present at a given time on the field. Several letters to this effect were sent to me. But I never answered, never showed up. Either I was not at home or was late in coming home that day, or I had not received the messages. And if I did appear for the test it was not at the appropriate time; for example, I would present myself at 1 o'clock whereas the test had been fixed for 10 in the morning! Finally, the authorities grew so tired

Page - 73

and annoyed with all this that they failed me. They stated that Ghose had bothered them excessively! Prothero's effort proved fruitless." {Loud laughter)

"So you did it all on purpose?" asked Anirban.

"What else was I to do? Since they seemed bent on offering me the post, I had to use all my cunning not to get it. Though actually, towards the end, I doubted if they still would have agreed to give me the job. That I had not passed the riding test was not a very important consideration, since several others were allowed to join the I.C.S. even though they had failed it. Mr. Prothero did not know that in my case there were other graver complaints weighing against me."

The children were all ears.

"You see, poor Mr. Prothero did not know that I had become an out-and-out revolutionary openly declaring my intention to help destroy the British empire, and this was the main substance of the fiery speeches I was making at the Indian Majlis. If Mr. Prothero had known about these activities of mine, he would most certainly have changed his opinion of me.

"Anyway, the evening when I was told that I had failed in the I.C.S. examination, I returned home and told my brother Benoy, 'I'm chucked.' "

"Chucked? What is that?" asked Bittu.

"That is to say, I'm rejected! He seemed somewhat depressed at the news, though he did not say anything. He was always rather a quiet and patient chap, a realist who never argued against the inevitable. But when Manomohan heard it he was furious. You see, the poor fellow had built a whole castle of dreams on the strength of my being accepted for the post. This would fetch me a fat salary which would make it possible for him to fulfil his hopes and desires. But here was I, an ass, who had carelessly ruined everything for him! After a while, of course, he cooled down and said, 'Oh well! no point in useless recriminations. Let's play cards!'

"My days at Cambridge were thus over, and I returned to London without a degree. All I had was a certificate stating

Page - 74

that I had passed the written test for the I.C.S. Of course, I was entitled to a B.A. degree, though I did not take it. Perhaps I could tell you two amusing anecdotes about our Indian Majlis at Cambridge before I resume my story in London. I shall do it tomorrow."

Sri Aurobindo began: "I remember one occasion when we were discussing the question of independence of subject nations. One of the undergraduates was loudly lecturing us about the Egyptians and their fight for independence. 'The Egyptians rose as one man,' he proclaimed impressively. When he had made this full-throated announcement for the third time, another member interrupted him saying, 'But how many times did they sit down?' (Laughter)

"Here is another one. Well, a Punjabi student at Cambridge once took our breath away by the frankness and comprehensive profundity of his affirmation: 'Liars! But we are all liars!' It appeared that he had intended to say 'lawyers', but his pronunciation gave his remark a deep force of philosophic observation and generalisation which he had not intended! But it seems to me the last word in human nature." (Laughter)

"Did you make any friends at Cambridge?"

"Not really. I have already told you, haven't I, that I was never an easy mixer or an extrovert. But I met many kinds of people, particularly after joining the Majlis. I was its secretary at one time, and often used to make rather eloquent speeches at those meetings. Yes, I was acquainted with quite a number of people but I never had very many friends, and certainly no English ones. It was not as though the English disliked me, on the contrary I think they looked up to me with respect. Perhaps if I had joined them on the playing fields - the British love sports - we may have grown closer. Some people even thought that I could not enjoy my life in England just because I was not fond of games. But

Page - 75

actually in those days I believed that the British were indeed a race of shopkeepers, and that the French were far more truly cultured. And though I had never seen France, I was always very much drawn to it. Perhaps the main reason why I disliked the British was that they were our colonial masters. The resolve to free my motherland was constantly burning within me. This was why after the Majlis at Cambridge, I joined the 'Lotus and Dagger'society in London."

"What a strange name!" exclaimed Sudeep.

"Isn't it? Rather romantic, I thought. My studies at Cambridge being over, we were together again, my brothers and 1. They were worried about what to do with me, but I was not disturbed at all about my future. In fact, I can't say that I have ever bothered my head about myself. Either others have done it for me, upsetting themselves terribly in the process, or I have quietly done whatever was to be done. That is how I have worked for the country; that is how I am still working for you all. I have always been quick to realise where my duty lies; you may say that some kind of intuition reveals it to me, because it is neither intelligence nor thought which gives it. It was thus that I felt I shouldn't join the I.C.S., and you see I did not. I decided that my country must become free, and nothing else took precedence over that. It was in that spirit that I joined the 'Lotus and Dagger' society. I had heard that the aim of this secret association was to liberate the motherland. Fortunately or unfortunately, the association was still-born. As I have already told you my brothers were racking their brains trying to decide what to do with me.

"It is strange how things arrange themselves at times. For example, I failed in the I.C.S. and was looking for a job exactly when the Gaekwar happened to be in London. I don't know whether he called us or we met him, but an elderly gentleman whom we consulted was quite willing to propose Rs.200 per month, that is, he thought £10 was a good enough sum, and the Gaekwar went about telling

Page - 76

people that he had got a civilian for Rs.200. It is surprising my eldest brother and James Cotton were quite satisfied with Rs. 200 per month. I had left the negotiation to them as I knew nothing about life at that time.

"So there you are, I had been tricked! But neither Mr. Cotton nor any of us three brothers was the least bit practical or knowledgeable as regards money, otherwise we might well have asked for three hundred rupees. As far as I was concerned, two hundred rupees could very well be one hundred; I didn't mind the difference.

"However, at least I got a job. I was getting ready to pack for home when an amusing incident occurred. A certain tailor I knew came down from Cambridge to see me. He somehow traced me there and found Manomohan also. Then he canvassed orders from him. Manomohan went in for a velvet suit, not staring red but aesthetic brown. He used to visit Oscar Wilde in that suit. Then we came away to India. But the tailor was not to be deprived of his dues. He wrote to the government of Bengal and to the Baroda government for recovering the sum from Manomohan and me. I had paid up all my dues and kept £4 or so and I did not think that I was bound to pay it since he always charged me double! But as the Gaekwar said I had better pay it, I paid. (Laughter) ,

"Anyway, there I was with a job. The Maharaja was very pleased with himself that he had taken, in his employ, a rather young man, and an Indian to boot whom he could easily command to do his every bidding."

"Weren't you pleased?"

"Yes, of course, since it seemed to lighten the burden of my brothers' worries."

"Didn't you have worries of your own?"

"I've told you that I never bothered about myself. To make a fuss about oneself and one's needs had always seemed to me a poverty of spirit. You understand what I mean?"

"But unless one thinks about these things how can one

Page - 77

carry on? Shouldn't one make an effort?"

"To make an effort is one thing, to worry constantly about one's affairs is quite another. I was always confident that whatever I needed would be given to me. And that is exactly how things happened."

"How can you say that? Look how much you had to suffer," said Vikas.

Sri Aurobindo replied laughing, "How do you know that that was not necessary? And the moment it was no longer needed, I found a job waiting for me. Look at it this way. I've just told you how wonderfully things got arranged for me. Though I wasn't selected for the I.C.S. post, I had fared well in the written portion, so I received a grand sum of 150 pounds, that is to say Rs.3000. This was a government rule, we were told. For me, this money was really providential at that juncture - Mr. Cotton and my brothers had explained to me that I must try to make the most of this opportunity. I sent in the petition and the money was granted. With it I could pay my passage back home as well as help my brothers to an extent. I felt that I had become rich overnight, and all the memories of the poverty and hardship of the preceding few years simply dissolved, as if they had never been. What will you call this: Chance? Coincidence?"

"So then we too need never worry, and live merrily, careless of tomorrow."

"Oh! I did not know that you were crushed under the weight of difficulties! (Laughter) But truly speaking, becoming free of problems and worries is not as easy as it sounds. To remain equal in all circumstances, while a living faith flames constantly within - such is the basis for Yoga. And the Divine Himself will carry all the burden of the Yogi. This is what all of you have come here to learn."

"But you did not believe in Him at that time, did you?" asked Pooja.

"I can't say that there was absolute disbelief, either. In any case, though I may have lacked faith in Him, He had

Page - 78

faith in me! (Laughter) I also possessed self-confidence and equanimity.

"This reminds me of a small incident. Once my brother fell ill, and I was somewhat perturbed by it. Then, in my sleep, I heard a voice tell me, 'Why do you worry so much? Remain quiet and all will be well.' Immediately my mind fell silent, of itself; my brother got well, too.

"You see, behind every circumstance or event, there is a play of many forces. We only look at the incident, and think and judge and draw conclusions accordingly. To the ordinary eye, for example, my meeting with the Maharaja may seem a coincidence or a fortuitous event. But those who are not satisfied with such quick and easy deductions and look at life with a deeper insight may often discover hints of the real truth behind the outer veil of circumstances. I am absolutely definite that my long association of 13 or 14 years with the Maharaja could not have been founded on mere chance and my later life repeatedly proved me right. But the work I was given by the Maharaja was fundamentally the same as the one I might have been offered by the British government - that is it was a civilian's post all right. Only I had decided never to work for our colonial masters, and to that decision I stuck.

"On the given date, I left England. I embarked on the S.S. Carthage to return home after a prolonged exile which had lasted almost as long as Rama's. I had left India as a child; I was returning as a young man, with the beginnings of a moustache! A sahib, outwardly very westernised - that is how I looked. My brothers came to see me off."

"Weren't you unhappy to leave England?" enquired Rahul.

"Unhappy? Because I left my brothers behind, or because of the land where I had lived so long? As regards my relation with my brothers, I must tell you that among the three of us there had never been a very strong bond of brotherhood. The sense of oneness in a family, the very great closeness of blood-ties, all this is very often found in the east, in India,

Page - 79

China, Japan. But it does not easily flower in the individualistic society of England. Perhaps Manomohan, being a poet, may have been sufficiently carried away to have written about fraternal sentiments. And as regards my feelings about England, I think I have already told you that I felt little or no affection for it. Isn't it strange? The land I had lived in for so long, ever since childhood, and whose literature I loved so deeply, did not draw me at all, whereas another country - France - which was unknown to me in this life bound me to herself with ties of a deep devotion. Perhaps I never really cared for England, not only because she had made India her colonial slave, but also because I never liked her trade-mentality. I remember once when a classmate of mine in Cambridge proudly compared England to ancient Athens, I objected to that. On the whole a different comparison would be more apt. I said, 'Not Athens, but Corinth, a commercial state, would be a more apt parallel.' Of course they never liked my frankness of speech. They may have also thought that for the lonely book-worm that I was, who never enjoyed fun, games or companionship, it was natural to think thus. Though, to be fair, they never really disliked me as a person.

"Napoleon anticipated my opinion of the English when he called them a nation of shopkeepers! (Laughter) Anyway, I left England, though not its literature, and sailed home- wards, to a land that was still ruled by the foreigner. By then, my father was no longer in this world. Before leaving it he had made plenty of plans for me. He had even planned for his civilian son to work in Arrah in Bihar; Sir Henry Cotton was to be my guardian, so that my entry into the glamorous British society would be smooth and easy. So many of his dreams were centred upon me, and it was really a cruel irony of fate that a mere piece of wrong information hurt him mortally and he could not even live to see his son return from England. I suppose you know all this."

"We've forgotten many of the details. Couldn't you tell us the whole story?"

Page - 80

Sri Aurobindo said, "Oh! Well; you see, till the end, my father believed that I had passed the I.C.S. examination and that I would return to India very soon. He took a month's leave and went to Bombay to bring me home in triumph. But at that time, even the date of my departure from England had not been fixed, and so, after a long wait, he went back from Bombay. Then, a few weeks later, the Steamship Agency sent him a telegram informing him that the boat on which his son was to have sailed had sunk. The shock of this sudden and tragic news was such that he died of heart-failure. But though I was to have sailed on that ship, last-minute difficulties had made me change my plans. Thus the same hand of Fate that killed the father saved the son! The only thing for which I was thankful was that he had never found out that I had failed in the I.C.S. examination. Later I read a letter he had written to my maternal uncle which made me realise what great hopes he had built around the three of us. In that letter, he confidently wrote: In the three sons I have produced, I have produced giants. I may not, but you will live to be proud of the three nephews who will adorn your country and shed lustre to your name.... Auro, I hope, will yet glorify his country by a brilliant administration. I shall not live to see it, but remember this letter if you do.... He is at King's College, Cambridge, now, borne there by his own ability.

"Did you notice that he has twice suggested in this letter that he might not live long? And yet he had always been enormously self-confident. Evidently he must have had some premonition, some inkling, about the future."

"One small bit of misinformation, and yet how catastrophic the result!" said Chaitanya.

"This is how things happen, have been happening for ages. Innumerable instances can show you how apparently small mistakes can cause great harm. But if you go to the root of the matter you will find yourself facing a strange mystery. Every happening is part of a single causal chain. Neither my father's death nor my being saved was due to

Page - 81

chance, though the ordinary mind may think so."

"Yes, it does seem so."

Sri Aurobindo went on: "When you will have grown up and can look back at your life, you may understand that there is no such thing as chance. An invisible Hand is guiding you from behind the veil of external incidents, particularly those who are born with a great mission.... However, to pick up the thread of my story -I left England on board the Carthage. Though it was a storm-tossed journey, the ship didn't sink.

"This life and this world of ours are very complex realities. So many forces are at work which you will understand only when you learn to look on them with the eye of Yoga. But this you must know that in all things, in their very substance, is the Divine. He is always there, whether overtly or secretly. This game of hide-and-seek that He plays, this Play of His is never easy to fathom.

"No, indeed, mind cannot explain this huge universal mechanism that God has created. His workings are mysterious; of this I can give you a luminous proof. When my ship reached Bombay and I disembarked at the Apollo Bunder, and touched the Indian soil, something miraculous happened. I felt a vast silence enveloping the earth and a deep motionless calm descended into me. Behind the hurly-burly of the city and its constantly shifting sea of sound reigned this silence. In fact, it seemed to uphold the noise. I was completely absorbed in this unmoving quiet. I myself was surprised at such an unexpected experience, but there was no room for disbelief, so concrete and real it was. I was then 21 years old and I had not done any kind of Sadhana before. I had read about the Self, the Atman, in a book by Max Miiller and tried mentally to have a sense of it. There was not much of a success, but I decided to find out what the Self was. That's all. I was not even certain that my sudden experience was a spiritual one. I have told you that I was quite indifferent about God and religion. What I wanted

Page - 82

most passionately was the freedom of my motherland. My country was my God. But this experience seemed to impose itself upon me. It was as though Someone was waiting for my arrival in India."

The children listened, entranced and wondering, to Sri Aurobindo's deep, soft voice. Then one of them said: "What a strange and unusual experience! Does it have anything to do with realising the Divine?"

"The Divine is the Infinite and manifests Himself in infinite ways. What I had felt was the still motionless Self, that is all-pervading, like the ether. But I myself did not understand at the time the spiritual quality of the experience. I only learned to look around me with new eyes. They were no longer the same ones which had till then helped me to see the world. My motherland welcomed me home by unveiling her true self before me. I had seen England, now I looked at India - there was a difference. This first experience taught me many profound truths. I realised that India was the land of spirituality, that many other new discoveries still awaited me. But all the same, my doubts and reservations regarding the Divine did not even then disappear entirely."

"The Mother also has said that there is a spiritual quality in this land of India - in its skies and its breezes. When she came to Pondicherry the second time, after her long stay in Japan, she saw from her ship a blue light covering Pondicherry, which even extended a few miles across the ocean. Was your experience a settled and permanent one?"

"It apparently left me by the time I reached Baroda, but it was there in the background. You see, these perceptions are not very easily mastered. They come for a special purpose, as indications of the Truth. One must really be an adept, a veritable sadhak, in order to make them well-founded and permanent."

"So it was to Baroda that you went on your arrival in India, not to Bengal?"

"Yes, because I was expected to join the service immediately

Page - 83

on reaching India. I had told myself that after finalising the arrangements and conditions of work there, I would pay a visit home. Anyway, where was the hurry? My father was no more, neither was my mother, in a manner of speaking. She wasn't at all well, her mind was very sick. As a matter of fact, it was quite some time before I could finally go home."

"Did you teach at the Baroda College?" questioned Anshu.

"Much later. At first I worked in the government office, as most I.C.S. chaps have to do. Like them, I too had to get acquainted with the various governmental departments, it was bureaucratic work."

"We're told that you did not enjoy that kind of work," said Aloka.

"You have heard right. But little though I liked the work, I did it to the best of my ability. It was not that the work was difficult, only it was not to my taste. Of course, I continued with my reading and my writing, which were to me a constant source of pleasure. I also learned to love my family, my relatives, whom I visited during the holidays. There were my maternal grandfather and uncles and brother, sister and cousins and I used to long for the holidays, just like a child, so that I might go and live with them. The first time that I went home, that is to my grandfather's house at Deoghar, - since we didn't have a place of our own any more - and I met my family, what a joy there was all around! It was as if I was a king. Particularly my younger brother and sister were overjoyed. There was also another young girl, a cousin who was at school. Maybe they all were a little nonplussed by me. For, when I arrived with my large trunks, they crowded round me, hoping to find all sorts of presents, but were most disappointed when they found that I had brought a veritable bookshop!"

"You also ordered lots and lots of books from Bombay while you were in Baroda, didn't you?" asked Vinit.

"I did order a good number of them. On seeing all my

Page - 84

books, my relatives decided that I was a dry-as-dust book- worm and scholar. Of course, when they heard me tell stories, they quickly changed their opinion of me!"

"What stories?" asked Ram with curiosity.

"Oh, stories of my life in England, of how I almost became a Christian, of the Drewett household and how I . failed the riding test. I also spoke to them about history and literature."

"You really sat and told them stories?"

"Why, don't you believe me, children? The older people in the Ashram always think of me as a stern schoolmaster, forever with a rod in his hand! And have they now converted you too to this belief?" (Laughter)

"No, no, they did not tell us anything of the sort. It's your books. They are so difficult that they make us believe that you are very serious and stern. Fortunately we have met you and seen for ourselves how you are."

"So the real culprits are the books?"

"Actually we started understanding you better after reading your correspondence with Nirodda."

"Thank God for those letters! Otherwise I would have had to live forever with this forbidding reputation! (Laughter) All those notions about me are quite wrong. First of all, I am not a dried-up old scholar, never have been. Poets and writers deal with life, its essences of joys and passions. And one who has known the Divine, the very core and essence of all bliss and all life, raso vai sah, can he ever reject the joy of existence?"

"But ascetics and Sannyasis? They too have realised God," put in Gita.

"But they have turned away from the world, calling it an illusion. Theirs is an incomplete Divine, since they reject His creation. This division and conflict is the root-cause of their outer joylessness. But the universe still exists in spite of everything. It continues to survive just because it is upheld by a divine delight, what Nirod and Amal would call 'a luminous laughter'. The English say that humour is the salt

Page - 85

of life. And certainly human folly makes God laugh endlessly. My eldest maternal uncle too was full of a fine sense of humour. He laughed a lot and easily and could make friends with one and all. He used to tease me by calling me 'O my England-educated nephew, O greatest of scholars, O learned judge!' When I used to visit my family, I couldn't even satisfactorily indulge in my favourite pastime - reading. I had to wait for the whole family to go to bed before I could take up my books. In any case, I had always been a night-bird. In England I used to go to bed late and wake up late too, though not as late as Johnson who never left his bed before 10 in the morning! I'm afraid I rarely followed the adage that I'm sure you have all been taught - 'Early to bed, early to rise....' "

Pooja excitedly completed it - " 'Makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise.' But you disprove the adage - for you are so strong in health, you have the wealth of the universe and you are the wisest of the wise."

The other children appreciated very warmly Pooja's quick and beautifully apt reply.

Sri Aurobindo smiled and continued, "Perhaps getting up late was partly due to the cold climate. I mean, who would like to get out of a warm snug bed on a cold wintry day, especially if it was raining or snowing, and the sun rarely showing its face before eight or nine in the morning? In Baidyanath, at my uncle's house, of course the sun rose early, but I didn't follow suit. My uncle would sometimes jokingly comment apropos of the flower-suggestion of my name Aurobindo, 'The sun's rays have failed to disclose the lotus petals!' (Laughter)

"Of course, I knew how to get my own back and teased him just as much. I called my uncle by a name which made him immortal. From then on, young and old addressed him as the prophet of Isabgul."

"Why? And what is Isabgul?"

"Because of his unswerving faith in Isabgul, a very fine husk, as an infallible remedy. He would prescribe it for any

Page - 86

and every ailment - whether it was cold, fever or indigestion! Anyway he understood that his nephew could give back as good as he got.

"At Baidyanath there was also my maternal grandfather of whom I have already spoken to you. He was very gentle and kind, and handsome too, with his silvery hair and beard framing his serene face lit by an inner glow. To everyone he was Rishi Rajnarayan. He used to tell me so many things about philosophy and religion, about my country and its past, its poets and its saints. A great scholar and sage, he was also a true patriot. Perhaps my brothers and I inherited many of his traits. My father may have been an atheist, but my mother was the daughter of a man of deep faith."

"Why don't you tell us something about your mother?"

"When I returned from England, I found that she was not well. Actually her mind had been unstable for years and this had been one of Father's biggest worries. He used to love her very much and did his best for her. He had taken a separate house just for her. When I went to see her she did not even recognise me. 'Is this my Auro?' she asked. 'No, it can't be! Auro is just a little boy.' And then she added, 'My Auro has a scar on his finger.' It was only after she saw the scar that she took me lovingly in her arms. My father had tried every means possible, spending a lot of money on her treatment, but to no avail. Finally she had to live confined, away from everybody else.

"Baidyanath was a quiet place, with green hills surrounding it. I used to wander among these hills, and sometimes even go out to practise shooting with Barin. Once, on our way back from one such shooting expedition, my aunt discovered our doings and angrily remarked, 'These two boys are surely going to hang some day.' Her words proved to be almost prophetic! (Laughter)

"My short vacation at the beginning of the year, so full of happiness and love and laughter, would seem to fly past and once again it was time to return to my dull joyless work in Baroda. And I was always reminded of Judas, then."

Page - 87

"Who is Judas?" asked Sudeep.

"Yes, yes, Nirodda read out to us a letter of yours which we liked immensely - the one you wrote to your sister Saro, relating the story of Judas Iscariot."

Vinit curiously asked, "Which letter? Which story? Nirodda does not take our class, so we don't know it."

Sri Aurobindo asked with a sweet smile, "Oh, you mean the one I wrote to Saro from Baroda, about not being able to go to Baidyanath for the Puja?"

"Yes, yes!" shouted a few eager voices.

"Well, you see, neither my affairs, nor my finances would allow me to go to see my family. I knew my little, sister would be very much disappointed. Of course, so was I. I wrote to her that it was a great mistake for me to have gone at all; for it had made Baroda quite intolerable to me. There is an old story of Judas Iscariot, which suited me to the ground. Judas, after betraying Christ, hanged himself and went to Hell where he was honoured with the hottest oven in the whole establishment. Here he must burn for ever and ever; but in his life he had done one kind act and for this they permitted him by special mercy of God to cool himself for an hour every Christmas on an iceberg in the North Pole. Now this had always seemed to me not mercy, but a peculiar refinement of cruelty. For how could Hell fail to be ten times more Hell to the poor wretch after the delicious coolness of his iceberg? (Laughter) I told her that I did not know for what enormous crime I had been condemned to Baroda, but my case was just parallel. Since my pleasant sojourn with her at Baidyanath, Baroda seemed a hundred times more Baroda." (Loud laughter)

"My God, what a lucky sister!"

"On getting such a wonderful letter from her adorable Aurodada, she must have been well consoled and in the seventh heaven!"

"I have an elder brother in Delhi, but he never writes anything like it. His letters are most dry and uninteresting," complained Kriti.

Page - 88

With a naughty chuckle Sudeep told Kriti, "Your letters to him also must be such! So it's a game of tit-for-tat!"

"Not at all! I write to him about all these divine talks with our Guru."

"Then the poor fellow has no flair for writing and no imagination, that's all. (Laughter) And moreover, com- pared to these talks everything else seems insipid." There was a happy air of unanimous agreement amongst all the children present.

"It appears that the Maharaja asked you to look into a lot of his important affairs, even calling you to the palace sometimes for this reason - but he had given strict orders that no one should ever disturb your rest or your sleep."

Sri Aurobindo said, "Yes, he would call me to the palace from time to time, even ask me to write some of his official letters for him. The Maharaja held me in some esteem. With time, my work increased and even those few weeks of respite were sometimes shortened or cancelled."

"Since you hardly knew any Bengali, what language did you speak during your holidays at home?"

"I knew Bengali, but I was not accustomed to speak it. In the beginning, therefore, I spoke English, but a simple, easy English so that everybody there could follow me. English began to be widely studied in Bengal much later. Actually it was amusing for me, for while I spoke to my family and friends in English, they answered me in Bengali. I would advise my sister and my cousins to hurry up and learn English so that they might not find it difficult to follow what I said. Later I learned to speak Bengali from a tutor in Baroda."

"You paid a teacher just to learn to speak Bengali?"

"One cannot learn to speak a language all by oneself, can one? And where in Baroda would I find friends who could speak to me in my mother-tongue? And as matters stood then, my Bengali pronunciation and vocabulary resembled those of British priests and padres, a thing that my eldest uncle did not fail to notice. So there, in Baidyanath I rarely

Page - 89

dared to speak in Bengali!" (Laughter)

Sachet said, "The other day Nolinida told us something very interesting about his first darshan of you. He was sent by Barinda to call you to the Maniktola Garden. He was waiting in a room downstairs at Raja Subodh Mullick's house, when you came down, stood near him and gave him an inquiring look. He said in Bengali, 'Barin has sent me. Would it be possible for you to come to the Garden with me now?' You answered very slowly, pausing on each syllable, - it seemed you had not yet got used to speaking Bengali - and said, 'Go and tell Barin, I have not yet had my lunch. It will not be possible to go today.' He did not say a word, did his namaskar and went away." All the children were smiling and so was Sri Aurobindo.

Rohit asked Sri Aurobindo: "How long were you in Baroda?"

"About 13 years."

"Did you work in the State Office all that time?"

"No, certainly not! I would have gone mad if I had! (Laughter) Going through those huge dusty files, checking the accounts and preparing dry official documents - do you think a poet can ever love all this? To cap it all, word would come periodically from the palace, that I should acquaint myself thoroughly with the whole railway time-table of Europe! And apart from the official duties, I was expected to attend the royal functions and gatherings and durbars as well as to whisper sweet flattering phrases in the Maharaja's ear. Well, I had never mastered these arts and gradually I convinced him that I would be much more useful and effective if I worked in the Education Department. So I became a professor in the Baroda College. I started by teaching French. Only later did I teach English."

"French? Why French, in those days?"

"The Maharaja was a liberal-minded and refined scholar.

Page - 90